Pain Comes in Many Forms

For those of you paying attention, I have only had two entries so far this year, which is quite a change of pace from last year's updates.  I started out on a high note with great aspirations to continue building on my racing progress in 2011, with challenges to run at least a mile a day or other such commitments to running and keeping in shape.

And then life kicked in and I let it take over.

A new job, moving, all those months flew by and it seems like a blur now.  And despite starting my new season of Team in Training, I somehow stopped running.  All of the excuses I had fought off and preached victory over came flooding back and choked me.  Sure I put in a few miles here and there, generally with TEAM at a practice, and I even did the Whidbey Island half marathon in April and the new Portland Rock 'n Roll half marathon two weeks ago, but I wasn't putting in the hard work of consistent training that a marathon requires, the very core lesson and triumph of my previous races.  So at some point, I had to admit the inevitable: I will not be running a full marathon in San Diego.


This hurts my pride.  I should be better at this, should have done things differently with my priorities when it came to making time to run.  I love running: the fresh air deep in my lungs, the feeling of freedom, the way my legs come alive.  Letting it go again, though not to the same degree as the dark days of before, should not have happened.  Should.  Should.  Should.  My therapist has been trying to get me to stop focusing so much on this word and all of the commitments and anxiety that go into it, thereby consuming me and paralyzing my ability to move forward.  Many things have gone by the wayside these months as I tangled myself deeper into grasp of unfinished projects and the personal need to take on more than I can handle.



One of the most important things that I wanted to do but didn't was to highlight that this season of TEAM, with my new extended running family, would focus on a different party of my heart-family: Dean Miles and his daughter April, my best friend of so many years.  The intent was there, as it so often is with all of the things I want to do, but I let that fall into the numerous "to do" lists rather than actually complete what I had started.

So let it be now: tomorrow I will run the San Diego Rock 'n Roll half marathon in honor of Dean and his family.  Dean continues to battle multiple myeloma, and my involvement and fundraising with Team in Training on behalf of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society will help others fighting this and other blood cancers.


As always, there are lessons to be learned in this experience as well regarding priorities and focusing on what's most important in life.  And hurting my pride will of course hurt less than a running injury that may sideline me, and last year's experience with that does not need to be repeated.

This Time I will be Running for Dean

Do you remember your best childhood friend, the one that saw you through everything and could always make you feel better about the bad things in life, be it as small as a pimple or as big as a broken heart?  Is that person still a part of your life today?  I am so blessed to be able to say yes to that question.

I’ve known April since we were 7, though we didn’t go to the same elementary school.  On the first day of junior high, during Mr. Wimer’s class, we became locker partners and fast friends.  She’s been with me ever since and through it all: the hard teenage years, the harder part of leaving everyone and everything behind for the Army, and the many times that I’ve started my life over in a new place or with a new resolve.  We have one of those incredibly solid friendships that flow with time, and the few times a year when we can get together to catch up it is so difficult to encapsulate all the things we want to say.

Because we often go long stretches of time without frequent updates I didn't realize something terrible had happened that would forever change her life.  In 2008, April's father Dean Miles was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma.  I had never even heard of that before, but it's cancer, and a bad one at that (not that any form is desirable).  I was shocked to read her email updating me on what had happened and how they were working to treat it;  his chances were really slim and they were considering a stem cell transplant and any other available treatment.

It's not often that I wish I still lived in my hometown, but that email prompted feelings of helplessness and separation that would somehow dissipate were I closer to comfort April and her family.

Dean began treatment and his condition improved, or at least stabilized.  While the family helped care for him when he was outside of the hospital, April spent a great deal of time with him.  My favorite story was how they cleaned out his garage and organized all of his tools.  If you know Dean, you know his love for cars (to include his '57 Corvette convertible) and this was no small feat to accomplish.  In many ways this cancer brought their family closer together, more aware of the precious gift of life and appreciation of the time they have to share.  It even went deeper than that: April was so dismayed to see how her father was treated by some of the nurses during his treatments that she resolved to become a nurse herself and do a better job of caring for cancer patients.  I am so proud to say she is well on her way to accomplishing this goal.

While I train for my biggest running events, working with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to find a cure for blood cancers such as the one Dean fights has become my way of helping others outside my reach.  Finding a cure is crucial not only for the lives of those who battle it, but also for their loved ones.  Please help me on this crusade against cancer by donating today: Emmie's LLS Fundraising Page.

New Year, New Races, New Resolve

As I drove to my first race of the new year this morning, I reflected on the past year's race events.  It included 2 full marathons, 3 half marathons, a 10k, an 8k, a handful of 5ks, two adventure mud runs, and a sprint triathlon.  It's easy to measure my running progress which was derived from a goal to set a new PR for every race distance; I blew that out of the water!  My half time is down to 1:54 (x2 this year), and I pulled 7 minutes off my 10k distance too.  I even went to Miami to complete one of my races, not my best showing due to the extreme climate change, but it earned me my Rock 'n Roll Triple Crown heavy medal and I got to be in a beautiful and warm place in December with some of my Seattle friends.

As I ran along the trail in Magnuson Park on today's race, it followed part of a route we ran on our very first TEAM practice on April 30th; that was a difficult day for many reasons aside from not having run for months following my first marathon in January.  I thought of how far I've come since that day: the friends I've made, the accomplishments in running as well as life, and how much TNT has come to mean to me.

Team in Training (TNT) is a training group that helps prepare people for endurance events, be it a half or full marathon, a century (100 mile) bike ride, or a triathlon of either Olympic or half-Ironman distance.  Even people who are coming off the couch ready to change their lives can accomplish these goals; TNT provides the training, support, and encouragement to see you to the finish line.  As a participant you agree to fundraise for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (something quite dear to me after losing a friend: I'm Running for Dawn) in exchange for the event preparation and participation.  As a group we received detailed coaching and a training schedule, and ran together every Saturday morning for many months. As you can imagine, I've made countless friends and heard some incredible stories of determination, fighting, and sadness about how cancer has invaded the lives of people we may or may not know.

I loved it so much and it meant so much to me and many people in my life (new and old) that I'm doing it again!  I'm going to be a mentor for the summer season, where I will assist new participants with their fundraising goals (they offer hundreds of suggestions!) and help field questions about the program and training.  My mentor was Liana, who is now a close friend; I hope to impact my mentees' experience as well as she did for me. 

My next marathon will be in San Diego on June 3rd, 2012.  It will be preceded by the new Portland Rock 'n Roll half marathon in May and followed by the Seattle Rock 'n Roll half marathon in late June.  So these are some of my goals for 2012.  While not unobtainable, I will have some serious work to do to accomplish these.  Yesterday at brunch a friend mentioned John "the Penguin" Bingham's 100-day Challenge: to run a minimum of 1 mile a day (with purpose) every day for 100 days to instill (or re-establish as necessary) running in our lives.  "It is all about inspiring intentional movement and a healthy, active, happy lifestyle."  What a great motivator to help me bridge between today's race and the first practice which isn't for several weeks!

So while running may or may not be your thing, I encourage you to set some goals for yourself in various areas of your life to make the most of this new year before us.  The progress on some goals may not be as easy to measure as a faster race time, but don't give up hope that you have the power to improve your own life when you set your mind to it.